Honestly I want both! I want the dream Accountant Position and also the luxury with Chess. But in reality I can only choose one... Sad huh?! While i was browsing the internet i came accross En Najib's blog
He mentioned "on my way of going back to work, I applaud Mas for his courage and also to Khairunnisa (of Setia Chess Centre) for going into chess full time basis when I, on the opposite side of the track, going out of chess and back into working life,"
I am going into chess because I love the game, and the more reason why i want to go for it, is because I want to have flexible time at home. I want to have time to have breakfast with my parents, I want to be home for lunch with my mom and remind her to take her medication, and i am available at anytime if there is any emergency at home! But if I'm working, i will spend more time at the office, rather to be home with family. And with the pay I still couldnt afford to hire maid for my mom!
Starting 2010, i started to feel stress, knowing that whatever that i did for the company wasnt enough, they say i am still not qualify to hold a higher position. I have been patience for that whole year until i cant take it anymore on 30th November 2010, when my boss told me, "Oh! I forgot to inform you that the new accountant will be coming in tomorrow". I was speechless at the time. I dont know what to say, and i dont know how to react to the statement. I felt devastated, heartbroken and the worst thing is, I am depressed! Since then i have been applying to find job elsewhere and have been to several interviews, and i got more and more depressed because when i apply for post Accounts Executive they said I am over qualify, but when i apply for the post Accountant they said I am not qualify, so tell me where do i stand? What am i? Am i not worth it? My level of depression was so low that i started to think of the unthinkable things.. then one night i watched my parents sleeping, then i looked at my mom, then i asked myself, i need to change!
Then one day i apply for a job in KL, then days after that i got the interview. Before i left for the interview in KL, i have this feeling that i will get the job, and during that interview i was offered the job. Awesome huh?! For the first time, the feeling of demoralised, was gone! Finally i am positive about myself. But the decision to go or not to go to KL wasnt easy. There are many things under consideration and consent from my family is not that simple to obtain. But at the end, I am gone to KL. Though I promise my family that the life in KL would only be temporarily soonest would be one or two years, but my heart wasnt with me in KL.
A friend of mine said this to me, "Why do i want to be an accountant?" I said, "Because I have dreamt of becoming one", then he asked again, "but why you have that dream?", I said, "coz it comes with authority and huge pay", then he smiled. He said, "In whatever we do, everything goes back to money... what we worked for, and what we earned is all about money". and he continue, "It doesnt matter if you are an accountant, or alam flora workers, all you did is for the money, but isnt it stupid to chase that? why not do what you like to do the most? isnt that money you earned would be much more meaningful than earning money from the salary of working hours daily and your heart still not content?"
Somehow.. that statement moved me.. After a month in KL, I tender my resignation. And yes, the company did persuade me and offered me a better post, but i have made the decision to go back home. During the notice period (in a happy mood in KL), I got a telephone call asking me to come for an interview in Kuantan. Since i have no intention to go back to work, i have been making excuses for not being available on any dates except on the date that i am actually home. Days later, the Finance Manager called and gave me a telephone interview. Towards the end of the conversation he asked me when can i start. How should i react to that? But until today i am still thinking. And while i was thinking, I got another job offer to be the Personal Assistant to the CEO of the my former company also in Kuantan.
And at the same time, I have been doing marketing around Kuantan for chess, but i havent been engaged for any classes yet, not just chess, I am also doing freelance accounts for any company who wish to hire me part time. Lucky for me, it look positive that one co will hire me coz they are setting up new company, and wants me to be consultant there. Though, everything seems to be on positive side, but as long nothing is confirm, there is no time for leisure.
Does it worries me not to have any income yet? Oh yes! definitely! (who doesnt? i can feel the worries in my siblings of my situation, and the best part of all, they gave me support and gave the green light to go for it). Many things happened to me since Jan, my car broke down last thursday, and my bro had to take leave to help me out. Then again, my car was broke in two days ago, and my precious GPS was stolen. Mom is not doing well, she kept mumbling about the past and sometimes she thinks she still in the past! At the time that i am so down, I met a friend who is doing well being self employed. He said at time like this, I need to be motivated and meet friends that can motivate me. He told me that when he first started he didnt have big cash, he even bought a motorcycle costs RM50! He said to me, once I have decided to do this, have faith to Allah SWT that He will help me. And he strongly said, "Stop thinking about going back to work, ever!"
But, still, I have until Feb to think about the 2 job offers if chess doesnt worked out...